new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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