I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
