i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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