So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
