If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
