We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
