What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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