Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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