Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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