I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
