if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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