come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so let's talk penis.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize