She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
