Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
