Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize