All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize