Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
