is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
