Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
