Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
