so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
