dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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