you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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