Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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