I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
