Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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