break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize