i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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