We're facebook friends in real life
She's JV to your varsity
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
