i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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