Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
