Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So squirting runs in the family.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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