a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
