she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
