i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
