Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
