I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
