Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize