so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
