Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
