why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Randomize
