The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
