I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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