I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
