I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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