I smell stomach acid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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