I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
