Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
