I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's like God shit irony all over that family
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
