3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
