I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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