Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
