i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
