So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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