I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
