shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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