she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
