oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
