Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize