thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize