well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
