Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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