i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
