awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
