the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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