That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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