obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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