I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
